


Desolation and Despair

by amethyst-noir (Arbonne)



Series: Prompt Collection [2]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 18:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15914154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arbonne/pseuds/amethyst-noir
Summary: A little mishap results in a panic attack for Stephen.





	Desolation and Despair

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【授翻】Desolation and Despair/荒凉与绝望](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16406633) by [Clover_cherik](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clover_cherik/pseuds/Clover_cherik)



> There once was [a prompt](https://ssironstrange.tumblr.com/post/176059815010/have-a-sort-of-sad-prompt-stephens-extensive) by @ssironstrange over at tumblr. This is not quite the prompt but inspiration is inspiration and deserves to be credited. And so this little vignette lands in the collection.

"Fuck!"

A quick spell had taken care of the mess on the table and their clothes before he had even time to think about it about it. But a second later the embarrassment and the shame had set in.

Oh, the shame! He risked a quick glance at Tony - shock at the burst of magic, surprise and a hint of a smile at the profanity. The fact that Tony wasn't even embarrassed or looking at Stephen with pity or anger made everything worse.

It shouldn't be normal. Tony shouldn't just shrug off the fact that his boyfriend just splattered both of them and half the table with food just because he couldn't hold his damn hands still for one meal. Other instances of his hands betraying him paraded before his inner eye and he felt the panic rise to accompany the shame as he felt the tremors spread out to the rest of his body.

The temptation to just create a portal and _flee_ was strong but in the end Stephen settled for a hurried but still kind of dignified retreat to the restroom. He disregarded all the looks that followed him and ignored Tony's helpless "Stephen!" despite it breaking his heart.

He sort of held it together until the door had closed behind him. He tried to take a deep breath but his lungs wouldn't cooperate and before he really understood what was happening he crashed against the tiled wall and slid to the floor. He held is useless hands out in front of him and stared at their shaking and the multitude of scars. Weak, useless, painful and hideous. He still mourned his strong, steady hands that could and did save lives, that could have held Tony like he deserved to be held and stroked and caressed.

The hands that could have revolutionized the medical field if he had just a little bit more time. Time. A harsh laugh escaped him that morphed into a sob. He had all the time in the world now. Could play with it. Bend it and break it and mold it. His ugly, shaking hands could form the most complex spells. So much power, so many possibilities but he couldn't hold a fork with risotto on it. He couldn't hold on to anything without magic helping him. 

The sobbing didn't last long, as always his lungs refused to draw in air and forced him into some miserable state of being where he could neither cry nor breathe. Damn the accident which not only stole his hands and his career but also a lot of his lung capacity. One day he would suffocate, he just knew it.

 _Serves you right, you stupid excuse for a doctor and sorcerer_ , he thought as his view got narrower and narrower and he felt the black walls of nothingness draw nearer and nearer. He still tried to get some air into his lungs but they just wouldn't work. Even the tears had stopped now as he slid even further down to the floor. _Help. I need help_ , he realized but it was too late to cry out and far too late for a spell to safe himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](https://amethyst-noir.tumblr.com/post/176091766041/desolation-and-despair/).


End file.
